Right vs. Wrong
How to figure out the best way to deal with anything.
A few days back, I was sitting across a dear friend, trying to convince him how lying in an interview is not the way to get a job, and I miserably failed. I couldn’t talk him into telling it to the interviewer honestly about why he had spent about a year after graduation without a job or any other experience. This happened a few days after a candidate sat across me in an interview and blatantly lied about the name of a person just to avoid being judged for his acquaintance with that guy. Does it make lying acceptable, if the truth can lead to unwanted consequences? But then, why would anyone lie otherwise?
The choice of behavior in case of such dilemmas can be confusing. In most cases, we do know what is the right thing to do. We know it because we have been told so. For an average person who has gone through education even up till college at the least, the general distinction between what is good and what is bad is known. We can differentiate vice from virtue, and right from wrong. But as situations keep getting complicated, the difference between the black and the white doesn’t remain as crisp as in yin-yang. It greys out.
Everything about the good and the bad that we learn in school gets challenged outside the school, and more interestingly, a lot of times by the very same people who teach us the difference.
Reinforcements of behaviors occur in very interesting ways. When one misbehaves in class if, even after getting scolded by the instructor at that moment, one is applauded for being the source of entertainment for the rest of the class, the chances of the recurrence of that misbehavior increase.
Now imagine an eight-year-old kid who has been caught redhanded one fine afternoon bullying a younger kid at school and has been reprimanded as well as warned to not do such a thing again. His parents were informed too and he received a little dose of “parental advice” at home as well. Evening came, and he was now seated among his family, including his parents, who are laughing off a certain character being bullied by another on a TV program that features comedy. There’s his dilemma — he has just witnessed his parents and everyone enjoying someone being bullied on a TV program, an act for which he got scolded in the afternoon. Do you think he will repeat this behavior?
Let’s step a little further and imagine that in the TV program, the exact same thing happened. That character who bullied the other one got caught, scolded, and warned, and yet he repeats the behavior but makes sure that he doesn’t get caught this time. The TV program shows this bully character in a positive light and is definitely cuter and appears to be more innocent. When the next time this kid bullies another one, do you think that he won’t try to not get caught?
Now don’t hold yourself in guilt for it, but who do you like more, Tom or Jerry? I ran a random survey at my office, and Jerry won over Tom by 11–5. I found an online survey as well and the results showed a similar trend.
Don’t worry, I would have voted for Jerry too, and it is not your fault if you like Jerry more, as you have been manipulated to do exactly that. For grown-ups, we have thrillers like Joker and others with controversial protagonists, to convince you that it is fine to be bad, even criminal, in certain circumstances.
It’s not!
Lying, for example, is wrong even if a matter of life and death hangs on it. So is stealing, even if one has good intentions. A few years back, I was told by a friend of mine that Islam doesn’t identify knowledge as a commodity, and consequently, the piracy of books and software programs, anything that contributes to knowledge or education, is not wrong. Not paying the taxes that your state demands from you is also equivalent to robbing your nation of money that is due.
Every system that you are a part of has defined what is wrong and what is right. And in the eyes of law, ignorance of the law is not an excuse. So, being an adult, whatever systems you belong to, whether your family, religion, institute, organization, country, or any other community that you are a part of, the onus of figuring out whether what you are about to do qualifies as a virtue or a vice lies absolutely on you. And once you know, if you still decide to commit a sin, you should be ready for the consequences.
If the public display of affection, for example, is not allowed or appreciated in your university or even your country, it is wrong. There is no doubt about it. If there are defined consequences for such an act, they have to be executed. If anyone gets leniency in that execution, the spirit of justice stands questionable.
It doesn’t however mean that you cannot disagree. You can, but in that case, you have only 3 choices. Change the system. If you cannot do that, find a system that you may be more agreeable to. If you fail at that as well, create a system of your own. If you find yourself unable to do any one of these three, you have to surrender to whichever system you choose to exist in. What is the right way to change a system is a debate for another day and is not a concern here in particular.
However, it is quite possible that a system may not have addressed a certain matter. There is a good chance that you come across a certain situation for which the system has not defined a consequence and thus it is impossible for you to figure out whether it is right or wrong. Now, the makers of the system are responsible for the loopholes. So if they discover such a leak, which they will only by being made aware of an event that they cannot define either as of right or wrong, they will have to define it, meanwhile letting the parties involved go with a warning. Holding someone criminal for an event you yourself have not defined as a crime holds the spirit of justice questionable too.
We know that nobody is perfect. There is a long list of times I have myself lied and manipulated situations to save myself or to help a friend. But the tiniest, most petite thing that one can do to at least have a hope of becoming a better person in the future is to identify what’s wrong as wrong. That is the place to start.
The best way to help children able to deal with such dilemmas when they grow older is by internalizing a moral compass that they may always refer to. They should have a set of values that they can hold as standards to evaluate whether what they are going to do is good or not. A person who keeps that set of values intact finds it much easier to take decisions and face consequences.
Should you lie in an interview? No way! Why not? Just because it’s wrong. All other reasons are secondary. If you think lying in a situation like an interview can help you, that can actually be true. It’s possible for sins to lead to worldly desires but you should still not lie just because you should not.
If you can come up with any such values that have helped you make decisions in your lives, feel free to drop them in the comments for everyone’s benefit.
PS. Just for fun, I ran a poll on Instagram, asking people who they like more, Tom or Jerry. Jerry won just by a little — the score was 35-32. I asked a few voters who chose Tom for their rationale, and predictably, it was out of sympathy for the character. A few also pointed out that they initially liked Jerry but this changed as they grew up, and started finding Tom more relatable.
