A Letter from Yourself
To Whom It May Concern, and to Whom It May Not
Concern is not the matter here — I am pretty sure it’s not going to even matter what I say to you. But I still have to say what I have to say.
You think I don’t know how upset you are. I know you keep trying to cover it up and say that you are fine, but you are not. And it is fine to not be fine. Don’t put yourself under so much pressure that you cannot feel low or broken ever at all.
Life is hard, right? Don’t tell me, I live with you. Do you realize how hard it is? To live with a person who can’t even express what’s going on in their mind? Why do you stop yourself from crying, or even asking for help? See, keeping it all in is not going to help. You know that, I know. But it’s not like you literally have no one to talk to about it. Even if you don’t, why don’t you try and find someone? It has to be easier than this continuous accumulation of suffering and pain inside you.
I mean just look outside. Oh no, in fact… don’t look. Wait, this is confusing. Why am I suddenly out of words? Oh okay… so… what I wanted to say was that while you look outside and you see other people happy, you think what makes them happy is their lifestyle… something that you cannot afford. The clothes, the gadgets, the vacations, the friends and families, the outlook that they have managed to maintain. Well that’s not true. I am not going to lie and say that deep inside they are not happy and all of it is just fake. Well it doesn’t matter, does it? Would it please you to know that people are empty inside? That they suffer just like you or even more? How much if they suffer would justify them having to live like this? I mean that shouldn’t bother you, right?
It’s weird how social conformity works. We start realizing the need of something as soon as we discover other people using it are happy. And you know that too, right? Why else do you think you see so many happy faces on the advertisements? That is what sells everything. And that is how rich people, people who can afford such a lifestyle sell you the idea that your life, and how you live, sucks. And you just buy it.
I mean just tell me, don’t you sometimes just have this craving of having a pizza? Do you think it happens to everyone? There are people who don’t even know that there exists something that’s called a pizza and what it tastes like. And it’s impossible to want something when one doesn’t even know it exists. Similarly it’s impossible to crave for something until you have tasted it. And that is all what is happening. This social media has enabled people to put it in your face that they are having an experience that you have never had or at least not had for a while. That is what makes you feel you need it. Even when you really don’t.
You know all this. And just like that, you also know the answer to every question that you have in your mind. I know that you know. At least I know those answers, but you never ask me. You think making decisions is hard? I think you make it hard yourself. You know what you should do, but it’s either just too hard or too risky, or maybe not what people usually do, or yeah, you think it might hurt someone if you go for it. Everything else that goes around in your mind is the bullshit you have created just to rationalize yourself doubting what you really want to do. It’s just the fear of the assumed consequences — that you are either going to fail, it’s going to cost you a lot, there won’t be anyone to support you, or you would be hurting someone who means a lot to you. You just fear that you are going to regret later what you really want to do now. You are doing a terrible job at believing in yourself. Because if you could only do that, you would go with your instinct, your gut, and then you would also never regret. Because if you think you can actually want something for yourself that is bad for you, there is a whole other issue that we need to address. We need to rediscover who you are.
Because yes, it can happen — one can want what’s bad for them. It happens a lot under influence of drugs, alcohol or certain people. I know you even sometimes want to harm me. Honestly, I would even allow it if I could see that can help you in the long run. Even in that case, when you really want something that is bad for you, you know. You know because I know. And I call out to you, but you don’t always listen to me. You find it hard to even consider that I may actually know what’s good for you even more than you do. I like you for a reason!
When was the last time someone told you how beautiful or handsome you look? Has it been a while? Has someone told you otherwise? Do you believe them? Because I am not going to lie to you. This whole “inner beauty” stuff is bullshit. People need to come a lot closer to you to see that. And to come closer, they need to like you. And for them to like you, you have to be really good looking. You know that, don’t you? And you know it in your own heart that you do not fulfill the worldly standards of physical beauty for humans. Do you work on yourself and try to meet those standards? It’s fine if you do. That would help people to like you and come closer to you to discover your “inner beauty”. But wait, even you don’t want ugly looking people to like you and come closer to you. I know that, because I know you. You wouldn’t like anyone like you to like you. You know why is that? Because it’s not everyone else who finds you ugly looking, it’s you. Gotcha!
But let me ask you something. When you are in awe of the lifestyle someone else is having, do you think it’s their physical looks that envy you? It’s not. It’s just that they look happy! They have a big ear to ear smile on their faces. You want that. You want that more than the looks, I assure you. And believe you me, people who are worth having around will like you and want to come close to you just when they see you smile and laugh. You are just too uncomfortable being yourself, and you have convinced yourself that it has something to do with your looks or the money in your pocket. And it’s not just you. There are many more people around you who think just like that. But they don’t know what I am going to tell you right now. I LOVE YOU!
There, I said it. Yes! You know how you think you will find someone who you will fall in love with. I am different. I was born filled with love for you. That’s the whole purpose of my existence. I am going to keep loving you forever. I am going to cheer for you at your every win. I am going to be by your side at your every loss. And I am the one who is pushing you to do something when you really want it, and I am the one stopping you from doing something you may later regret. Whatever you have gone through, I have gone through it too. You were never alone. I am not going to abandon you even when you don’t really want to have me with you. I’m always there.
You probably still won’t listen to me, but well, I have to say what I have to say.
Yours truly and most sincerely,
Yourself
PS. I am pretty sure you have had someone checking up on you lately. Whoever that person is, just talk to them!
